In an arguably unnecessary attempt at myth-busting, a psychologist has revealed that talking to yourself can be a healthy sign that says positive things about your mental state. Violeta Acedo told Hello! magazine that it “improves focus, emotional health and decision-making” and, while it can be considered eccentric, is not in itself a symptom of mental illness. This struck me as odd, to say the least, like justifying breathing. Not only did I assume that everyone talks to themselves, but I also wouldn’t trust anybody who doesn’t because … what’s going on there, then? Even before I knew science was on my side, I would have died on this hill (while talking myself through potential options for memorable last words).
To be clear, this is not chatting to your plants or pets, because those are living things, so fall under the umbrella of ordinary conversation. Plants can thrive with verbal motivation and it’s only polite to acknowledge any animal you encounter, of course. No, this is you speaking to you, out loud and proud.
Perhaps it’s a reminder, a question or a pep talk. Maybe it’s a harsh truth that would have stung delivered from any other source. It could be simply shooting the breeze, to while away a boring moment. Now and then it will be a joke you wish someone else had been around to hear. It all counts.
Acedo explains that talking to yourself can be “a tool to reflect, get organised or regulate your emotions”. Disappointingly, she says those of us who do it aren’t necessarily more intelligent, but it can “be a useful strategy for functioning better”. I’ll take that.
She goes on to list the benefits, including how saying “First I’ll do this, then that,” or “Where have I left my keys?” helps direct attention to our priorities and goals. Cynics may want to dismiss this as woo-woo verging dangerously close to manifesting, but studies have shown that saying the name of an item you’re looking for out loud may make it easier to find as it focuses the brain.
Research also indicates that a tête-à-tête avec toi-même can mean you make better decisions, too, because you gain a unique perspective on your thoughts from hearing them aloud, and evaluate them differently as a result.
But never mind the academic evidence. The bombshell that many people don’t talk to themselves is almost as upsetting as the revelation that some don’t have an internal monologue yapping away in their heads, only the sound you hear when you put a seashell to your ear, or something. What are these strong silent types doing when they are alone? Just going about their business in total peace and quiet? If they want to explore a theory or sound out a plan, they must have to wait until they can get somebody else involved, rather than striking while the iron is hot. There’s no freedom quite like saying something to yourself: if it turns out to be ridiculous, the worst idea anyone has ever had, you can trust it will go no further. And even if you are concerned about confidentiality, you can rest assured that if you were indiscreet, you would probably only tell yourself, to whom it is old news.
The first rule of self-talk is the same as communicating with others: be kind. And that is an important difference between the internal monologue and the out-loud version. If you make a mistake, you might think, “Ugh, you idiot,” and move on. Hearing it outside your head makes it harder to ignore how you are treating yourself.
Acedo advises “speaking to ourselves with the same understanding with which we would treat a friend” and offering similar encouragement. She cites studies that have found addressing ourselves by name – eg “Don’t worry, [insert name here], you can do this!” – helps us to analyse situations more clearly. Sorry, but no. Even in the realms of acceptable behaviour there are limits. You may be an eccentric self-chatterer, but you’re not Donald Trump, or Elmo from Sesame Street. If you start doing that, you probably need to have a word with yourself.
• Polly Hudson is a freelance writer
