1. 

   Which of these life lessons appeals to you most?

   1. “Sometimes we walk proudly. Other times we stumble gracelessly. Yet we take each step with a generous measure of never-ending curiosity and wonder. We remain in awe of the folks and folkways existing around us.”

      Add a point in C

   2. “It takes 21 days to make or break a habit, and on the 22nd day you are well on your way to forming new habits.”

      Add a point in B

   3. “Creating a womb – a time, place or environment – that’s just for you is an essential way to nourish your soul, process emotions and experience spiritual growth.”

      Add a point in A

2. Which of these meals would nourish you?

   1. Sesame cabbage lentil bowl

      Add a point in B

   2. Pumpkin-shaped baked brie

      Add a point in C

   3. Sex bark with moon juice

      Add a point in A

3. 

   Which high-calorie anecdote appeals to you most?

   1. “I remember my early days with the donut; me and my little brother bickering in back of our hippie mom’s BMW over who got what in the half dozen she picked up en route to school."

      Add a point in C

   2. “I always treat myself to one meal on Sundays when I can have whatever I want. Usually it's pizza, which is my favourite indulgence.”

      Add a point in B

   3. "Nothing quite reminds me of my California childhood like Reddi Chick. The moist, perfectly-seasoned rotisserie chicken basket comes with plenty of barbecue dipping sauce, and fries that are absolutely worth the shot to the arteries.”

      Add a point in A

4. Snap decision: which of these terms could fill the hole in your soul?

   1. Digestion, concierge, tantra.

      Add a point in A

   2. Artisinal, whimsical, reclaimed.

      Add a point in C

   3. Energised, humbled, grateful.

      Add a point in B

5. 

   Where does great wisdom reside?

   1. “In the well-worked hands of ageing craftspeople and in the eager words of young artisans.”

      Add a point in C

   2. In the third eye.

      Add a point in A

   3. In the poems of Oriah Mountain Dreamer.

      Add a point in B

6. What might you be tempted to buy during your spiritual journey?

   1. 12in grill press combo ($225).

      Add a point in A

   2. Three 100% plant-based, non-GMO, gluten free, soy free and dairy free meals a day, made with organic ingredients, for five days ($146.40).

      Add a point in B

   3. A heart necklace engraved with the adage: “Bitch, please” ($40).

      Add a point in C

7. 

   Which of these beauty treatments would you like to try?

   1. Chamomile-infused ice cubes for de-puffing tired faces

      Add a point in C

   2. "Sometimes I put a little gold eye shadow in the inner corners of my eyes."

      Add a point in B

   3. "The Mugwort V-Steam. You sit on what is essentially a mini-throne, and a combination of infrared and mugwort steam cleanses your uterus, et al.”

      Add a point in A

8. Which of these motivational quotes gets you going?

   1. “When I’m not feeling my best I ask myself: ‘What are you gonna do about it?’”

      Add a point in B

   2. “I’ve learned a lot about genuinely not caring what strangers think of me. It’s very liberating.”

      Add a point in A

   3. "We acknowledge that we are human and are flawed. But please accept, our intention is to do something pure."

      Add a point in C

Buckets

1. 3

   Congratulations: you've chosen spiritual guru Gwyneth Paltrow. Brace yourself for the most thorough steam clean of your life.

2. 2

   Excellent news. You've chosen Beyoncé and are now on the fast track to world domination, one vegetable smoothie at a time.

3. 1

   There is no easy way to break this to you: your spiritual guru is a woman whose USP is purple prose about table arrangements: Blake Lively. Good luck with that …