What do 90s girl bands and sex experts have in common? Answer: we’re both keen for you to “spice up your life”.

Like Nando’s, though, this particular expert appreciates that everyone enjoys different levels of spiciness. And that can fluctuate: there are wild XXtra Hot Peri-Peri nights and milder Lemon and Herb moods when you’re after something more sensual and snuggly.

Here is a list of suggestions to liven up your love life, in which I’ve tried to cover all bases. From aphrodisiac edibles to unusual undies; romantic games to raunchy gadgets; special-effect oils that enhance massages to thoughtfully made toys, there are ideas here for everyone.

I’ve included inspiration for partners (and singles – solo sex matters too) who want to incorporate novelty when they’re knackered, since being “too tired for fun” is a complaint I hear commonly. And there are products to address other widespread yet underdiscussed intimate problems, plus a few resources to expand your adult education.

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How to liven up your love life

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Give a massage

Massage mitts

£49.99 at Rocks Off

These patented, nodule-covered mittens were originally developed by a physiotherapist to protect her wrists and hands from repetitive strain injury while kneading patients for hours. They’ve been adopted by people who want to give their lover a satisfying rub-down in an erotic context or give themselves a deeper, more tension-releasing massage.

Use them with massage oil (see my recommendations below) or in the shower with an enlivening scrub – my current favourite is NCLA Beauty’s seaside-scented scrub.

NCLA Beauty’s seaside-scented Amalfi coast neroli sugar scrub, 250g

£23.80 at Debenhams £32 at Revolve

While you’re massaging, try using your lungs as well as your limbs: blowing through pursed lips, as though you’re extinguishing birthday candles, delivers a cold breath, and making a soft “haa” sound while exhaling with an open mouth will give a warm breath.

Admittedly, the massage mitts might look ridiculous: your gloved hands become those of a syphilitic, tobogganing Ribena berry. So pop a blindfold on your partner to maintain a seductive atmosphere. Ann Summers does a chic satin and lace one for a tenner.

Satin and lace blindfold

£10 at Ann Summers £15.97 at Amazon

I love donning my Musicozy eye mask during massages and solo pleasure sessions to block out visual and auditory distractions, as it features wireless headphones through which you can play audio erotica or an atmospheric soundtrack. Check out Adele Brydges: primarily known for her handmade ceramic sex toys, she also curates the sultriest playlists on Spotify. Her Bodyscapes playlist is specifically intended to accompany self-stroking sessions and elevate auto-eroticism into something close to holy. I’ve got it on repeat.

Orgie Acqua Croccante crunchy monoi mousse

£19.16 at Cured Pharmacy

Like a cloud of popping candy, this effervescent mousse crackles and fizzes on the skin, while the monoi scent evokes holiday sun cream. The bubbling effect is fleeting – it snaps and pops for as long as a bowl of Rice Krispies once the milk is poured on – but I love how unexpected and playful it is. It’s an easy, low-effort way to create a delightful special effect. Plus, this product is wonderfully cooling on baking summer nights, when oils can make you feel like a basted rotisserie chicken.

Rooar warming massage oil, 100ml

£38 at Rooar

The “warming” effect of this 100% natural oil is mild: more cup of ginger tea for the skin than being slapped with Deep Heat. The herbal, floral and spicy notes – including clove bud, spearmint, marjoram and lavender – are expertly balanced to produce a posh tonic that’s rejuvenating, soothing, and makes you feel like you’ve been anointed by a sexy Elvish queen.

A nice way to end a massage is to wipe excess oil off your hands, then rub your fingers through your lover’s hair in circling motions (provided your partner hasn’t gone to the salon that day). Oils like Rooar’s that contain mint extracts will give a mild tingling effect that’s helpfully rejuvenating if, for any reason, you don’t want your beau to fall asleep just yet.

Coco de Mer Enraptured Figment massage oil, 100ml

£36 at Cult Beauty £40 at John Lewis

Did Apple TV+’s series about a lusty Napoleonic-era chef, Carême, make you aware of your heart beating in places immediately below your navel? How about Nicholas Hoult and Elle Fanning in satirical period drama The Great? Then you’ll love this fig and orange blossom oil, which comes in an apothecary-style glass bottle and smells of tapestry-walled country mansions.

Forty quid’s worth of liquid is terrifyingly easy to knock and spill from this screw-lidded vial, though. Consider decanting a little into a small jug for a less fiscally fretful drizzling. As a bonus, pretend you just invented the vol-au-vent and thus deserve a good seeing to in a Parisian kitchen.

Ann Summers MyViv bergamot massage oil, 100ml

£10 at Asos £10 at Amazon

Affordable without smelling cheap, this non-greasy, non-cloying oil also helps raise funds for the charity Breast Cancer Now. No matter your gender, you should check your chest at least once a month; a dash of massage oil can help your fingers glide, and make the process feel less grimly clinical and more pampering.

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Couples’ confectionery

Flintts Mints for dry mouths, 15g

£7.53 at Sex Toys

Xerostomia – a reduction in saliva production leading to an uncomfortably dry mouth – can be caused by several issues, from anxiety to certain medications, and as a symptom of perimenopause and menopause.

Kissing and giving oral isn’t so pleasant when your tongue feels like turkey jerky, so to stimulate salivation, Flintts Mints contain extract of Spilanthes flowers, AKA “electric daisies” or “buzz buttons”. They come in nine flavours and different strengths of spit-inducing power that Flintts call “sparkle”. I find the sensation similar to the tingly numbness imparted by Szechuan peppercorns. Let one dissolve over a couple of minutes before oral activities.

For Play aphrodisiac chocolates

£27.99 for six at SheSpot £28 for six at For Play

Playmate aphrodisiac chocolates

£29.99 for three at Lovehoney £29.99 for three at Rackhams

While open-minded and respectful about complementary and alternative medicine, I’m healthily sceptical about pricey, ill-regulated herbal supplements making vague claims that they may boost libido or enhance performance.

I’m not usually a fan of “naughty sweeties” either, having eaten too many waxy chocolate boobs at hen parties (they usually taste like they’ve come out of a cheap Advent calendar).

So by rights I should hate these aphrodisiac chocolates – but I don’t. A far longer article would be required to analyse whether plants and roots such as ashwagandha, puncture vine, arjuna, maca, catuaba and ginseng could be swiftly effective in the amounts these treats contain, but they did make my partner and me feel frisky. I’d put money on that being a placebo effect … but placebos can be powerful things.

The For Play chocs are topped with a pretty metallic dusting, and are available in a range of spiced varieties for same-sex couples as well as heteros. The dark, bitter Playmate ones have three flavours of filling, in a heart shape designed to be halved and shared with your beloved. If it’s codswallop, it’s at least harmless fun, and an upgrade on a box of Milk Tray.

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Stylish sex toys

Tenga Arte reusable penile stimulating sleeve

£26 at Tenga £26.99 at Lovehoney

Although the tides are gradually turning towards greater social acceptability, masturbation toys designed for penises tend to give a lot of people the ick – not least because the Fleshlight-style stimulators modelled on disembodied vaginas, anuses and mouths look a little like things you’d find in a serial killer’s freezer.

In contrast, Tokyo-based company Tenga – whose name translates as “righteously arranged and elegant” – makes non-anatomical penile toys so sculptural that they’d be at home atop a marble plinth.

The Arte sleeve is a kind of soft, stretchy elastomer sock, lined with springy ridges and nodules. You pour in some lube, insert a penis (your lover’s or your own), then use your hand to move the toy up and down so the textured inside strokes and caresses the head and shaft. Adjust your grip for more intense or gentle sensations. After you’re finished, flip the Arte inside out, clean well under the tap and air-dry on the included stand.

In addition to solo play, I recommend Tenga toys to people who want to do something thrilling for their penis-having partner that doesn’t demand a lot from them physically. If you’re out of action for penetrative or oral sex for whatever reason, these toys give manual stimulation far more mind-blowing than a plain palm. To ring the changes, try warming the toy with hot water before use, or experiment with different viscosities of Tenga lubricant for a more slippy or grippy experience.

Womanizer Enhance rechargeable clitoral vibrator

£149 at Lovehoney £149 at Womanizer

The latest, much-anticipated release from Womanizer – the inventor of gamechanging air-pulse clitoral toys, which I recommend in the Filter’s roundup of the best vibrators. This device adds vibration to the proprietary “Pleasure Air” stimulation to overwhelm your clitoris into orgasm.

In an external study conducted by the Berlin Institute for Innovation, 100 testers all reported reaching climax with the Enhance, with 47% enjoying multiple orgasms in one session, so I was keen to see if I could replicate those figures in my own at-home laboratory.

The Enhance was violently potent. This thing sucked an orgasm out of me like a Henry Hoover performing a surgical procedure. I almost needed Botox to relax my eyebrows down afterwards. It’s amazing, but almost brutally so.

Beware: in my experience, the Enhance engorges private parts and enlivens nerve endings to the point where extended use can cause temporary oversensitivity or sharp pain. Paul McKenna might make his next fortune hypnotising people into putting it down.

Zalo Calla vibrating massager

£69 at Zalo

Oh, she’s a beauty. And the opposite of the Womanizer Enhance in terms of ferocity. The waterproof, flower-shaped Zalo Calla is about the same thickness as a fountain pen, and offers three delicate types of stimulation to take turns with: brush and flutter the supple silicone petals over the nipples, thighs, vulva or testicles; let the pinpoint pistil in the centre of the blossom shiver against the clitoris; or use the stem as an insertable vaginal vibrator.

Vibrators as slim as this are thin on the ground, despite being beneficial for people requiring dilation after vaginal surgery or to treat tightness; those with a hypertonic pelvic floor; or those who simply dislike hulking, girthy probes. The long stem makes it easier for you or your boo to reach hotspots, too. Using it on a partner feels charmingly like coaxing ecstatic music from their body with a conductor’s baton.

The fine diameter means there’s not enough room for a mighty motor, so the Lily is best for those seeking tenderness – or who’ve been diddled to the stage of actual soreness with a Womanizer and need to chill their beans.

For more inspiration, read our guide to the best vibrators

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Lessons in love

Beducated online sex skills courses

From £6.67 a month at Beducated

I think it says a lot about the British attitude to sexual literacy that National Sex Day is on 9 June, yet National Sex Education Day isn’t until later in the month. I suspect there’s a horrible amount of trial, error and painful misadventure happening between bedsheets up and down the country.

For those who want less haphazard experiences, there’s Beducated. This online platform offers more than 150 multilesson video courses produced in collaboration with 70 international experts, in everything from dirty talking, Tantra and strap-on play to dealing with rejection and reclaiming pleasure after sexual trauma. There are teachers on here I greatly admire, including psychotherapist Silva Neves, whose work outlining the differences between compulsive sexual behaviours and “addictions” I consider vital to modern conversations about treating problematic pornography use. The world of questionably qualified “sex coaches” can be a dangerous wild west, but Beducated is cowboy-free.

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Underwear, lingerie and loungewear

Buttress and Snatch shirt cut bra and knicker service

£129 at Buttress and Snatch

What’s sexier than stealing your partner’s shirt to wear over nothing but your birthday suit? Well, you could send it to indie tailors Buttress and Snatch to be upcycled into a bespoke knicker and bra set. It also sells “something blue” garters made from old garments for just £20, which can be bought ready-made or crafted from a groom or lover’s clothing for no extra charge – a wonderful wedding present, or a surprise for a filthy weekend away.

Step One sport boxer briefs

£15 at Step One £15 at Amazon

You know what rubs me up the wrong way? There’s an abundance of great “chub rub” pants and anti-chafe undershorts on the market for women – I rate Snag’s Chub Rub Shorts and Thigh Society’s shorts – but not many solutions for chaps suffering from chapped thighs. Plenty of men develop sore inner thighs caused by sweat and friction in the summer heat, and besides being uncomfortable, rashes in private places can kill confidence in bed. A survey of 2,000 people polled by Sudocrem found that more than a third of people with skin conditions feel uncomfortable undressing in front of their partners, with men most likely to report loneliness as a side-effect of dermatological issues.

Step One’s undies are a fabulous fix. Bamboo material wicks away moisture; friction-reducing “Ultraglyde” panels protect inner legs from abrasion; and the longer length of the “sport” models is great for taller and bigger guys. Buy your first pair, and if you don’t like them, the company will refund you in full.

Tabitha Rayne scarf

From £25 at Tabitha Rayne

A silky scarf is the Swiss army knife of sex. Use it as a blindfold or wrap ice cubes inside it, have your lover stand up and bind their wrists lightly behind their back, then don’t stop kissing until everything has melted and trailed in refreshing rivulets down their body. Tie it in a bow on a brassiere strap, or between the cups, to add a flirty, floaty touch to even the most sturdy piece of mammary scaffolding. Agree with your other half that wearing it in public – around your neck, in your hair – is a secret signal that you’re down to get dirty later on.

For extra eroticism, these Tabitha Rayne scarves are decorated with saucy sketches and passages from erotic novels. Fold and drape them to reveal or conceal as much naughtiness as you please.

Bluebella embroidery personalisation service

£2.95 (with purchase) at Bluebella

For £2.95, Bluebella will embroider up to three initials on a range of their lingerie and bed wear, including a romantic, ruffle-backed teddy available in sizes 6-18; a timeless chic chemise (pictured) and a suits-all sheer kimono.

Pick a monogram, either to show who the lingerie belongs to … or, if you like to play with dominance and submission, who the wearer does.

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Bed linen-protecting blankets

Splash blanket

From £49 at Splash Blanket

Lubricant, massage oil, sweat, menstrual blood and various body fluids shooting like streamers from a party popper: great sex frequently wrecks sheets. Lying on a scratchy, ratty old towel might save your duvet, but it feels decidedly “No room at the inn”.

Enter the Splash Blanket – a big, plush throw with snuggly sherpa fleece on one side, luxe velvet on the other, and that’s waterproof on both. These blankets can hold up to a litre of liquid, and the manufacturer claims they’ll retain their impermeability through at least a year of regular washing and tumble drying. Some customers say their throws are still holding up well after half a decade.

I’ve been vigorously using mine for three months so far, as well as conducting some sanitary pad ad-style experiments involving pouring beakers of water on it to test maximum absorbency. So far, it’s a big thumbs up.

Those concerned that the protective inner layer might cause a crinkly, plasticky sound, or that the fabric will stain, can rest assured: that’s a blanket “nope” on both counts. I opted for a dark shade, but trusted kinkster friends (who also, improbably, like beige) tell me that even the palest champagne colour comes up impressively clean after laundering, so long as you do it the morning after.

Note: avoid the faux fur versions unless you’re truly committed to Viking role play. They’re hand-wash only, which rather defeats the point.

Dame Thro waterproof sex blanket

£50 at SheSpot

This smaller, circular blanket packs down compactly into a cosmetics-size bag, making it handy for travel, or even chucking over a chair cushion if you’re getting frisky on furniture. It’s only 80cm in diameter, which may not suit larger bodies or rambunctious lovers. Furthermore, it’s off-white. Still, this dot will get you out of a tight spot in hotel beds.

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Flirtatious date night games

Deep couples’ card game

£39 at Amazon

This artfully presented box contains 40 question cards to be answered in order, calculated to encourage deep conversations. Additionally, there’s a tiny atomiser of perfume; QR codes to pieces of music; pictures to consider; tactile exercises; and chocolate to share, to incorporate all five senses. The designers’ claim that this makes the game “immersive” is a stretch, but they’re engaging touches.

I think the Deep card game is best suited to new couples who still have much to discover about each other, or, on the flip side, long-term lovers whose day-to-day discussions involve who’s going to de-gunk the dishwasher filter or find the youngest’s lost Gruffalo plimsoll. A romantic, at-home way to remember why you moved in together in the first place.

Monogamy board game

£29.99 at Lovehoney £30 at Ann Summers

Monogamy just celebrated its 25th anniversary, and has apparently been “updated to reflect the modern world”. I can virtually feel gen Z sneer as they collectively side-eye the fact that the name wasn’t changed to Polyamory, and indeed, beyond removing references to calling landlines, the game still has a strongly retro, Jilly Cooper, end-of-the-pier feel.

You’re supposed to romp around the board six times, completing increasingly raunchy challenges. One of them involves cutting a bin bag in half, lubing up from top to toe, and wrestling on it like thrashing eels. I know few couples who’d do that (get a Splash Blanket!), let alone carry on playing a board game afterwards – but there’s an unintended joy in the campy ridiculousness of it all.

My partner and I laughed uproariously, then brainstormed how we would build a date-night game, which ended up being a provocative topic. Whether you end up rolling in the sheets, or rolling on the floor in hysterics, suspending your cynicism and just rolling with Monogamy makes for a superbly silly evening.

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Clever candles

DS & Durga tuberose myrrhder candle

£60 at Space NK £60 at Liberty

Dinner date gone well, but left your flat stinking unsexily of spag bol? Then light up DS & Durga’s scented candle to clear the air. Scented candles instantly enhance the ambience, casting a flattering, flickering glow that can help shy lovers feel less exposed, while transforming a distractingly messy room into a bohemian backdrop. I rate sexting with candlelit selfies taken in the bathtub: glossy, wet skin reflects firelight stunningly, while steam lends a hazy filter effect to snaps. It’s not smut, it’s art.

The dominant scent here is heady, intoxicating tuberose, which in the Victorian language of flowers symbolised dangerous pleasures. It has a gothic perfume that puts me in mind of being willingly bitten by Nosferatu, and it’s strictly for sultry nights – I expect you’d be arrested for indecency if you lit this before 8pm.

Every DS & Durga candle has an accompanying music playlist accessible via the brand’s website. Not to be sniffed at.

Sitre night touch massage candle

£47.99 at Lux Plus £54.06 at Klip Shop

Presented in a pot with a spout for easy pouring, and a lid to protect it from being contaminated by dust, Sitre’s candle burns into a molten massage balm formulated with moisturising jojoba oil, shea butter and sweet almond oil.

Let it burn for 10-15 minutes to produce a pool of wax; blow out the flame and allow it to cool for a moment; then tip carefully into your palm and smooth the warm salve on to skin.

Sitre is based in Denmark, and its brand name means “to tremble”. After use, hopefully you’ll find the following Danish phrase handy: “Jeg har det som blommen I et æg” – “I feel like an egg yolk”, meaning “I am fulfilled and content”.

Master Series spoon and drip candle Set

£33.10 at Sex Toys

For those who want to push the pleasure-pain threshold with some BDSM-tinged temperature play, these paraffin candles have a low enough melting point to avoid injury, but still burn hot enough to induce a gasp when dripped on to the body.

Decorate your partner’s chest, spine or backside with droplets, holding the candle higher away from the skin if you want the wax to be less lava-like when it hits. Afterwards, use the golden spoon – shaped like the stem of a rose – to scrape the set wax away. Refrigerate the tool beforehand for maximum sensory contrast.

It’s entrancingly ritualistic, and just a tiny bit sadistic.

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Alix Fox is an award-winning writer and broadcaster specialising in sexual wellbeing and culture, with 20 years of experience in receiving dick pics sent not to titillate, but because the worried texter wants an informed opinion on a weird lump/rash/wart. She’s currently writing her first book, Gripped – a deep dive into the most curious and compelling realms of sex and love that one early reader described as a “horny Jon Ronson”. She legitimately has to rent a storage unit to house her collection of erotic apparatus. What’s NSFW for you is probably just W for Alix