Name: Cumulative social advantage.

Age: If it exists, it’s always been there.

Appearance: Strictly speaking, it looks like everyone else.

Everyone else? You know – the other people around you.

Ugh, please. I see enough of them. Don’t you enjoy the give and take of societal interaction? Making genuine human connections?

Honestly, I just want to be left alone for once. With my things. That may sound appealing, but it’s not good for you.

Why not? Cumulative social advantage is the notion that social relationships are the key to a long and healthy life.

What kind of social relationships? Family ties, emotional support networks, religious participation and community engagement.

I knew it: you’re trying to get me to volunteer for something. It would be to your cumulative social advantage.

I’m very busy at the moment. According to a new study, being socially engaged can have a profound impact on epigenetic ageing.

What does that mean? It can slow changes at the cellular level that are reliable predictors of infirmity, disease and early death.

Are you suggesting that being socially engaged will make me live longer? That’s about the size of it, yes.

How would that even work? The hypothesis suggests that high levels of social interaction reduce your stress response, and the long-term biological consequences – systemic inflammation, cellular ageing – associated with it.

What do I have to do? Hand out leaflets, pick up litter or what? It’s hard to say exactly what type of engagement is the most effective. The study ranked participants’ responses to statements such as: “I enjoy personal and mutual conversations with family members and friends.”

So I just need to lie on the questionnaire. I don’t think it works like that.

Listen: I want to live a long time without having to deal with any annoying people. Is that too much to ask? It probably is, yeah.

Is there nothing else I can do? The study showed that higher education and income levels were also associated with slower epigenetic ageing.

So I need to get rich or die trying. Those have always been the two main options. Now there’s a third: develop a wide-ranging, fully engaged social network.

You’re starting to put me off the whole idea of longevity. Do you want to talk about it over a coffee?

No. I’ll leave you my number in case you change your mind.

Do say: “We are a social species that thrives on connection – not just emotionally, but also physically.”

Don’t say: “This is so unfair. Why doesn’t closing the curtains and binge-watching TV in bed make you live longer?”